my reflection

Looking at myself in the mirror
Just me and my reflection.
No one else to give me affection
trying to live upto everyone's expectation
its not easy.
the roads are creasy
winds are not so breezy
breakdowns are many
emotions are the scary
what if people see
see the real me...
does my bae even know me


questions, questions and questions i have
little happiness is all i ask
makes it easy to move on from the past
thats all i had asked

hurdles are many
in a city so frenzy
while i try to save every single penny
i am here again now...
Looking at myself in the mirror
Just me and my reflection.
No one else to give me affection
trying to live upto everyone's expectation

i am...
hurt and abused
husltle and bruised
inside black and blue
Still without a clue

the journey is long and time too less
i need to shake off the laziness
Looking at myself in the mirror
Just me and my reflection.

Dont need anyone else for affection
Just live for my reflection.

let it go

We met by chance
while we were at a dance.
Mesmerized by the trance
fell for each other by chance


Now it all seems like a dream
we used to be a great team.


3 years down we are tired
tired of the blames and the expectations.
pissed with the frustrations
irritated always we seem.
Fighting has become part of our regime.
Blame games and abuses
over petty things
left us with only bruises....


Too much of each other has taken its toll
there's no more rock and roll...
frustrated to the core
a fake smile we wore.
just to please other we were a sweet couple
but we were the ones who would never cuddle.


no conversations are pleasing anymore
no time spent is good enough anymore.
there is nothing more to explore....


what is the remedy
what is the solution
to come out of this situation.
Don't want to loose what we had
but its driving both of us mad.


Say things that we don't mean
but the words sting.
Least bothered is what it seems....


We are drifting apart
becoming weak at heart.
its better to let go
it hurts though....


Tears refuse to hear me out
cant seem to reason it out..
Break the dreams
There is no voice in the screams.
Just let it go
Let it go...

Failure

I know im writing after a long time... but yeahh... i guess it's high time...

You know what im very confused, about what is going inside my head... its like a jar of various types of chocolates and you don't know which one to pick as all of them tempt you, but you can just take one... and there is no one to help you decide, you are standing all by your self.

Every day you think it's gonna get better, but just the opposite happens... Maybe its the mind set but im sure god is playing some game with me.... Don't know for sure what he wants from me.. What he expects me to do or react to it... Im just standing on a crossroad, not knowing which sign or which road would lead me to the place that i belong to.

I try to mend my ways in every way but doesn't happen.. Something or the else goes wrong. Be it professional life or personal life.

Professionally, lets just not get there as i know experience would make me perfect in this business.

Personally, i don't think im too good in handling relationships. May be im meant to be a loner with no one around...

Mom thinks im ignoring her all the while, but how do i explain it to her, what i have been going through here... Now i understand responsibility, and what she has gone through.. It did take time for me to understand though.... She has done a lot for people n relatives in her life which i don't think i can ever do in my entire life. I stand no where close to her... Hats off to her for that... That woman is really the kind of woman that i would wanna be, though i try... i FAIL!!! She went through so many ups and down in her life but she hasn't let anything even touch me...

She protected me from all the pain, was my support when i needed her, be it financially or emotionally. I never wanna let her down. But yet even she misunderstood me a couple of times...

I wanna give her everything that i can and am able of.. I know she is proud of me but still theres something still missing...

The person who i love a lot, fails to understand me at times... I wont deny that even i don't understand him sometimes... Maybe this is what relationships teaches you at the end of the day. Its said you cant clap with just one hand... N yeah its true!!! This is my first and i want it to be the last one. One thing i could not learn was to put my feelings into words. Being the only child and since childhood trying to suppress my feelings within my self, i could never put my feelings into words.. When it comes to expressing, yeah you may call me dumb, but i just can't. I prefer using SMS as a help rather than speaking up. It helps me in a way!!! Although i know its not gonna come handy always.

I can read people sometimes and some times people can read you, but sometimes what the mind is thinking and what the heart is feeling, might just mislead you.

I know it sounds very philosophical but yeah its cent percent true... Some people might call such people who do not know how to express FAKE!!! But, they are just confused people regarding their feelings.

Im confused for some other reason though... my heart tells me believe in what you feel but my mind tells me analyse what ever your heart tells you. The daily changing behavior, the increasing distance, the increasing silence is silently killing me inside. Is there something wrong with me.. Or people around me are changing. Don't understand the game of time at all!!. Don't know how to reduce the distance which is growing day by day, don't know how to break the silences and the walls that are coming in between. Im trying to reach out a hand but seems like my hands are failing to meet the distances.... Expecting some miracle to happen and asking my dad for help but nothings seems to help...

Am i not a good person to hang out with!! Am i not cool enough!!

Whats the problem then??? Can some one help me out...

People seem to be happy with others, but when with me the million dollar smile turns into a frown.... The screaming, the fighting, the tempers rising and things flying.... Im tired!! Wanted to start afresh but it doesn't seem to help.

Hmmmm!!

So yeah that's about it. Im a very confused person to be with......

Not dependent, but yet need help when it comes to feelings....

Not emotionally dead too... Just cant get them out.

India's Interantional Face'10

A beautiful dream, dreamt by some one, some one really passionate about his work and who always loved chasing dreams. Weaving the same dream into reality for every one to see it and believe in it was a task. but not for the one who made it happen. Days and days of planning and hard work, countless sleepless nights with the coffee mugs and the board rooms and countless fights and arguments... Without a sigh, we kept working towards his dream... with the whole team working days and nights. we made it happen.. we saw it happen... the dream turning into reality... Bit by bit, piece by piece everything started to fall in place slowly and steadily....

The day was coming near and we could feel the anxiety and the blood gushing through our veins. The day arrived, the day for which everyone had worked more than they could actually... Nervous and trembling before it all started, and it did send a shiver down every one's spine. but the applaud and the praises took away all the tiredness, the stress and the pain..... As it is said all's well that end's well.... so i would say it is true.... it was all worth the effort and the pain that every one went through.... be it the team, the producers, the contestants, the jury, the production people and of course the hotel guys... Two months of complete madness finally ended with applause, laughter and smiles leaving behind with us the sweet memories of the times. the times that we all spent together... The beautiful memories that make us smile every now and then when we think about it.

Another beatiful journey ended with wine, dine and a sweet good bye.

We reminisce and cherish the new friends and the new relations, and start a new beginning.... and seeking a new dream and a new challenge every day,.....

The Dream

The dream wakes me up

Trembling and shivering

Crying and choking....

With eyes closed n visions flashing

Holding your hand

In a beautiful dream land.....

Away from all the pain and suffering

Where life was no roller coaster ride

But a joy ride...

You kiss my forehead

And start walking away....

Though i want u to stay...

But ur hands are slipping.

Loosing the grip

Tears rolling down my cheeks

N the faint smile on ur lips

Disappearing into thin cloud....

Leaving me crying out loud

Why did you have to leave

Leave me alone in this world...

Where every one is so cold

N no hand to hold....

Im tired dad...

Tired of being some one else im not

Smiling when im sad...

Hiding the pain

Swallowing my tears in the rain...

Need that magic to turn the dream into reality.

Take me out of this cruelty.

Come back and make this life a joy ride again...

Without any pain....

The Crazy Road trip

Started out wid a random plan of going to Goa.... shel, sady n srish.. three useless buggers..

sittin at candies srish n shel planned.. n called up sady..who ws ever ready...to hit the road with us,...

In his cherry( his car).. all 3 of us hopped in n d journey to a mindblowin destination Goa... began....

we dint kno the route, had no maps, there were no signs, just one laptopn with google maps...that too konked off...

N so the journey began..with music blaring in d car.. wind blowin...three young souls just off... dint have a clue whether they were goin in the rite direction or not.. just followed their intuition...

In few hours of roamin inside mumbai hopelessly...we hit the highway with a signboard readin GOA....

our happiness knew no limits..

we screamed with joy...

few hours of driving they got caught in a bad bad traffic... in some village for like an hour an a half...

Shel n sady had smokes to pass their time.. n srish had them(shel n sady)...

Hours n hours of long n continuous drivin ws makin sady sleepy now....

shel ws wide awake with him... helpin him with the routes n pushin him...

srish ws sleepin like a log in the back seat...

the sun ws up... we reached ratnagiri n halted for sum food...

thats wen she switched places wid shel n ws ready to hit the road again...

in between srish dint realize that she ws takin a nap n so ws sady.. the difefrence ws that srish wsnt drivin but sady was,....

shel ws asleep but stil wide awake...

had to buy redbulls on d way... for poor ol sady...

finally we did hit GOA...the paradise...

the joy ws overwhelming....

two days of absolute gala...

beer and pork and sea food... was all they knew...

cut off from the crazy wacked out world,

they were loving just being there with the people they cared bout...

shel's grandmom greeted them with a loving smile n a warm hug..

they partied n partied... til we dropped dead..

ended up sleeping in the car( coz dint wanna wake up Nana..)

was woken up with a scolding from her... n were told to sleep inside...

it ws too hot to step out in the sun... but they had to hit the road as they had to get back...

it was certainly refreshing to get sleep after that wild day...

one more mug of beer at Brittos n sum pork sausages ... n they were ready to roll again...

some sight seeing was neccessary... so after doing that...

with the blaring music n the spirit... they were back on the road...

It doesnt end here... theres more to it...

Times

I remember the times

we sang and danced...

we drank and laughed....

It was not the wine

that got us high

it was the feeling

that made us sigh....

Now that i look back

at the times spent

i regret taht it just went...

without a word

it was disappeared....

u semed to be sent by angels

but to me you were my angel......